Church Home (less)

Lenten season is here....already....and this year I feel unprepared and a little lost. Lent is the religious observation that starts on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter Sunday. It's a time of reflection, prayer, abstinence, repentance, and penance. A lot of people choose to give up something they really enjoy such as chocolate, sugary treats, meat, social media, etc. to observe this time. My husband tries to tell me every year that he's giving up family and blames me for his failed attempts. He thinks he's funny.As a child I dreaded lent. My mom prayed and made me pray with her often. She didn't allow me to watch TV or listen to music because it was a time to feel sorrow. We practiced fasting on certain days and didn't eat meat on Fridays. We were allowed to eat fish, but I never liked seafood so I was just hungry and upset.I was born and raised in the Catholic church. Church was not optional in my household, it was mandatory. I did all my sacraments (baptism, first communion, confirmation, marriage) in the Catholic church. I was an altar server as a young girl and joined the church choir as a teen. Sundays were an all day affair. We had friends in the church and our families spent a lot of time together. The church priests knew our family and were welcome in our home. I went to Sunday school as a child and teen, and for a brief part of my life I was enrolled in Catholic school. Before I drove, my family walked and took public transportation to go to mass. We didn't miss a Sunday and if we did, there was a good reason for it that we explained at confession.In my adulthood I started to view lent as an opportunity to become a better Christian. My co-workers and friends know I observe lent so they would openly ask me what I was planning to give up. The conversations always forced me to try to think of how I could prove my sacrifice to God. I was never a big fan of giving up something small. Not eating cookies, although a sacrifice for me, just didn't seem to me to be long lasting. I wanted to be a little better at the end of lent so I came up with different ways to attempt to do so. I didn't think God would be mad at me for bending the rules a little.One year, I decided to read the bible every day during lent. I read it every night before bedtime and it was helpful and became a habit even after Easter. I don't read the bible everyday but now I read it more than I used to. Another year I chose to make the extra effort to give back to my community. I found the time and money to donate towards organizations and causes I support. One of the more memorable lenten seasons for me is the year that I chose to let go of resentment I had towards a person who hurt me a lot. It wasn't a romantic relationship. This resentment was due to something so deep inside me and lent got me through it. I prayed for that person and I prayed for myself and I no longer carry the burden that affected me for many years.When I first moved to the South after living up North for 11 years, among several other culture shock experiences, I thought one of the strangest customs was that people invited me to their church. I quickly realized that it's perfectly normal to do so. Living up north, our family was never invited to attend another church. Up north, it seemed like 90% of the people I knew were Catholic, in the south, Catholics are scarce. Of course I knew there were other religions, and over time I was exposed to many of them.One of my customers at the restaurant I used to work at was a pastor at a local church, his food order: broiled white fish dinner. Although it's been ten plus years since my fast food cashier days, food orders still haunt me. He often invited me to attend his church with his family. I never took him up on it but one day he shared his gospel cd with me. He and his daughters sang various songs; they were excellent and I enjoyed the music so much that I wore out the cd.I once attended a Baptist church with an ex boyfriend and his family. I thought the service was over after an hour and a half of praising songs before I realized the service was just getting started.My mom once signed me up for an overnight week long Christian bible camp that she thought was Catholic based. I thought I was going to a regular summer sports camp of some sorts. She decided to tell me it was bible camp as she literally dropped me off at the church parking lot and slammed the van door in front of me and the van took off. I was mad at her all week.An old co-worker once invited me to her Ukrainian church which I visited with my older sister. It was a Slavic Baptist church and a new experience for me.My older sister grew up Pentecostal. My best friend is Hindu. I'm aware and have been exposed to various religions and I believe there is no wrong one. And although I have learned so much and respect every single religious belief, my visits to other churches over the years were simply visits. I continued to attend Catholic mass on a regular basis up until about four years ago.It was a regular Sunday at mass on an election year. The priest had worked into his homily the candidate whose beliefs were aligned with the Catholic beliefs. I don't like when politics and religion mix and it was often at that church. I reached my tipping point. Why did politics have to mix with religion? Why can't we just focus on an overall positive message? I decided not to return to that church or at least not for a while. I was angry.A few months later, a friend of ours invited us to hear him play the drums at the Methodist Church he had been involved in. We hadn't been to church in months and we wanted to support him so we went.I never thought that I would enjoy the experience as much as I did. The pastor didn't mention politics once, there weren't posters and bumper stickers being given out about what my stance should be on abortion. Literally everyone was warm and welcoming and most importantly, my husband (and everyone for that matter) was welcome to take communion. Brandon didn't feel like an outsider (he's not Catholic) like he had been feeling all the years I had dragged him to mass.Brandon and I both enjoyed our experience so much, we continued to attend. We didn't go every Sunday, we never officially joined the church, but we went because the pastor (who also doubled as the bass player in the band) was a real person who shared his real stories and gave us a positive message to go into the week with. Brunch and catching up with one of our best friends was an added bonus.The pastor whose sermons I enjoyed so much is no longer at that church and our old friend and new friends on the band now play at a different church.Brandon and I had a conversation about church this past Sunday morning. We both woke up that day feeling particularly stressed about pending projects on our plate. We were getting ahead of ourselves rather than taking the time to enjoy the day before the dreaded Monday. Brandon immediately woke up and said he needed to go workout. I immediately woke up and felt I needed to go to church. Both are very healthy stress relievers and there's nothing wrong with either one, but I found it interesting that we both seeked two different ways to comfort ourselves. So Brandon went to the gym and I decided to make a pit stop at the grocery store before going to church. On the way back from the local grocery store and right before I headed over to church, I found myself in a little bit of a dilemma.Which church should I go to today? I haven't been to church in quite some time (yet again) and the guilt was setting in. Should I go to the Methodist church? The new pastor is wonderful, the people are still there and just as friendly. Should I go to my Catholic church which is nearby and convenient? Or is this a good opportunity to go check out another Catholic church? That Catholic guilt still lives inside me. I honestly found myself not knowing where to go. After giving it much thought while my husband worked off his stress on the treadmill, I thought about what was important to me. Going to church is important to me. Having a church home is important to me. Going to church with my husband is important to me.I can't ask him to go to a church where he can't take communion. I can't ask him to go to church with me where he won't feel welcome. I want a church home where we both feel comfortable. I want a church home that celebrates diversity, practices selflessness, encourages me to be faithful, and that reminds me that there are greater things in this world than the sometimes petty things I stress over. I met Brandon back at home on Sunday after the grocery store trip and we talked about our different experiences with church growing up. We grew up differently when it comes to religion. He didn't grow up affiliated with a specific one but we both agree that God and faith (our own unique different versions) plays a part in our lives and in our marriage. We prayed together and agreed to try to find a church home that we both feel comfortable attending at our own pace and as much as we each need to go.I know that there are couples who practice different religions and they make it work. Brandon's grandparents went to different churches and met up for lunch afterwards every Sunday. They made it work. I know another couple who attend different churches and they take turns visiting each other's services sometimes going to two churches on one day.I don't know what church will end up being our church home. I don't know if I'll ever let go of my Catholic guilt. I don't know which church I'll get my ashes from on Ash Wednesday. For the better part of the past ten years, I've attended Ash Wednesday Catholic mass with a coworker at her church because it's near our job and we had each other. She no longer works with me. I don't even know what my lent sacrifice or new habit will be yet this year. All I know is that I will figure it out and will do so on my own.What are your lent practices? Have you ever found yourself in between church homes? Has your mom ever tricked you into going to bible camp that wasn't your religion? I want to hear from you.